Selectively Bitchy

…hormonally-controlled and ranting about it…

Archive for no condoms

Hormonally horny, hornily hormonal and he’s just not that sexual

Does that term even make sense? No? Yes? Maybe? Yeah, welcome to the confuddled-mess-of-rational- blockage that is my brain.

Let me tell you something you already know — being a femme fetale sucks, at times. One such time being now…hormones a-ragin’, highs and lows, cries and laughs. For me this week though, it’s more like none of those things except for the fact that I’ve turned into a horny toad/sex-addict (take your pick, either way I feel sorry for my boyfriend).

Did you just say that you feel sorry for your boyfriend, you ask?

Yup. Believe it or not, there are actually some men out there who really aren’t that into sex. Yes, I know…my man and I have gone over allllll the other possibilities but trust me, he’s just not that sexual.  It’s like, maybe 0.05% of the male breed that falls under this category. Coincidentally, I believe it’s like maybe 0.06% of the female breed that falls under the sexaholic-maniac-but-not-a-raging-sex-addict category. Women like myself love love love sex. We’ll have it anytime, anywhere and eh…well, I can speak for myself…I’d rape my bf if I had to. For you other women out there with no committed dude…well, we won’t tell.

So yeah anyways. It’s been a decent week with nothing in the pooty. I couldn’t survive. I broke the whole one week rule. I did it twice. Take that, doc. And this week, specifically today, in all my raging horniness, we are out of condoms. Yes, after eons of being on the pill and now nothing….well, yeah condoms don’t really exist in a household like that. 

I was lucky enough to stumble upon a random one in the bathroom. This evening, I got down on my hands and knees and searched the apartment, high and low to no avail…no dice. 

F*&^ ME! No,  literally! Is it a social faux pas to pull an ‘ask your neighbour for some sugar’ ? I really need to be baking cookies right now…