Selectively Bitchy

…hormonally-controlled and ranting about it…

Archive for hormonal

Hormonally horny, hornily hormonal and he’s just not that sexual

Does that term even make sense? No? Yes? Maybe? Yeah, welcome to the confuddled-mess-of-rational- blockage that is my brain.

Let me tell you something you already know — being a femme fetale sucks, at times. One such time being now…hormones a-ragin’, highs and lows, cries and laughs. For me this week though, it’s more like none of those things except for the fact that I’ve turned into a horny toad/sex-addict (take your pick, either way I feel sorry for my boyfriend).

Did you just say that you feel sorry for your boyfriend, you ask?

Yup. Believe it or not, there are actually some men out there who really aren’t that into sex. Yes, I know…my man and I have gone over allllll the other possibilities but trust me, he’s just not that sexual.  It’s like, maybe 0.05% of the male breed that falls under this category. Coincidentally, I believe it’s like maybe 0.06% of the female breed that falls under the sexaholic-maniac-but-not-a-raging-sex-addict category. Women like myself love love love sex. We’ll have it anytime, anywhere and eh…well, I can speak for myself…I’d rape my bf if I had to. For you other women out there with no committed dude…well, we won’t tell.

So yeah anyways. It’s been a decent week with nothing in the pooty. I couldn’t survive. I broke the whole one week rule. I did it twice. Take that, doc. And this week, specifically today, in all my raging horniness, we are out of condoms. Yes, after eons of being on the pill and now nothing….well, yeah condoms don’t really exist in a household like that. 

I was lucky enough to stumble upon a random one in the bathroom. This evening, I got down on my hands and knees and searched the apartment, high and low to no avail…no dice. 

F*&^ ME! No,  literally! Is it a social faux pas to pull an ‘ask your neighbour for some sugar’ ? I really need to be baking cookies right now…


De-lin-quen-cy or something like that…

Yeah, I’ve been tardy with the blog again. But I have a legitimate excuse — I’m still incredibly self-concious about blogging. All of three people will probably read this post, and that kinda freaky!

Anyway. I’ve been feeling like total crap this past week and I know why — a really bad influx of hormones has taken my body, mind and uterus hostage and have refused to leave until they get what they want….my sanity.

Yesterday, BF was playing his usual 20 minute video game of NHL 2009 for the millionth + 1 time and let out a loud “FUCK YEAH!” while my startled self — all huddled in the corner of my couch, three pillows tucked into my stomach curled in fetal position, quivering angrily to myself like a cracked out addict on East Hastings — let out a “SHUT THE FUCK UP!” in his direction and quickly turned back into my hole in the corner of the couch.

And that is what set off our hour-long tiff. Which ended up with him apologizing for not cutting me any slack during my time of cavewoman status (did you know way back when, women were sent to caves to have their periods!?). Which was preceded with me giving an apology for “shut the fuck up” being my initial reaction to being horribly startled.  Which also reduced me to tears of anger, rage and cuddliness all within a span of two minutes.

Screw you,  Grade 10 drama teacher. I do have range.