Selectively Bitchy

…hormonally-controlled and ranting about it…

Archive for douchedar

Coming soon to a store near you…

My recent post, douching is bad for you has received quite a bit of attention since last week. Methinks, douching is a common problem amongst the beautiful, talented, intelligent, successful, ambitious and driven women population (note: TrashyDumbSkanks don”t consider douching to be a problem because they’re just too plain trashy dumb and skanky to recognize they’re with a douche).

If only my girlfriend was armed with a douchedar, she probably wouldn’t have found out the hard way. After all, it’s not her fault she dated a guy for almost 10 months, was in the midst of planning a romatic vacation away with him, was pretty much moved in with him, came uber close to buying a place with him while in the interim, stumbled upon a slew of Facebook messages between him and a TrashyDumbSkank at work (who, by the way, was clearly in-the-know about his un-single status and had met my gf at a work function a few months back). Whathedisgustingf*&^?

Douches like those deserved to be tossed in nitrous oxide and burned to a cold, silver crisp. And pounded up into several million little pieces. Like in the Terminator. Vinegar isn’t enough. No I take that back. If you pound him into several million little pieces, he won’t live to experience the HPV and chlamydia and gonorrhea that TrashyDumbSkank has to offer.  Or did he get a visit from Valtrex Vixen already? Tisk, beats me.

*Sigh* … So many f*&^ing dirtyass whorebags, so little penis.

Pretty, Intelligent Girl: 1     Douche: -1

For baby Jesus’ sake, if my 19-year-old sister had a douchedar, she’d know to steer way clear of the balding (no offense to bald guys, they’re usually quite sexy but in this case, his balding adds to his douchiness) 35-year-old duno-what-the-f&^%-he-does-all-day dickwad who clearly knows she’s in a committed relationship but still pursues her (the CHILD, in my opinion) relentlessly and writes her emails saying how happy he was to know that she lied to her boyfriend and her family about where she was when she was actually over at his house FOR DINNER. Whathepedof*&^?

Douches like those need at least a week-long dose of  go-make-some-friends-who-are-remotely-close-to-your-f*&^ing-age with a side of get-a-f&^%king-life. No death by nitrous oxide required, just a dose of reality should do.

I think I’ll become a bazillionaire once I get this douchedar up and running.

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