Selectively Bitchy

…hormonally-controlled and ranting about it…

Douching is bad for you

According to my research..

Regular vaginal douching changes the delicate chemical balance of the vagina and can make a woman more susceptible to infections. Douching can introduce new bacteria into the vagina which can spread up through the cervix, uterus, and fallopian tubes. Researchers have found that women who douche regularly experience more vaginal irritations and infections such as bacterial vaginosis, and an increased number of sexually transmitted diseases.

For these reasons, douching is no longer recommended as a safe or healthy way to routinely clean the vagina.

I have this gorgeous, talented, intelligent, ambitious, driven and gorgeous girlfriend who just can’t shake off the douchebags she encounters.

I don’t blame her.  Douchebag encounters (DE) are very misleading.

They start out nice and harmless, like any normal date, I suppose. Fun and flirty text messages, box seats to hockey games and concerts, expensive dinners complemented by even more expensive wine, lather rinse and repeat. For a few weeks. Enough time to decide whether he’s longer-term material or not. These dates result in nothing more than a few days of analyzing the previous dates, strategic analysis conference calls or meetings with your girlfriends over a cockatail or five, and maybe even introducing him to your friends.

But a douchebag date ends slightly differently. After the expensive date, loads of wine, you’ll probably end up going back to his downtown penthouse suite where both of you will proceed to drink more expensive wine. Then douche gets trashed, words start coming out of his mouth with the sole purpose of trying to get into your pants. You’re trashed too, but you’re smart, intelligent, classy and have integrity. You don’t f*&^ on the first date. Or the second date. And hey, if you don’t feel like it, on the third date too. You’re not TrashyDumbSkank number 50034.

So the night ends, you go home, wake up with an expensive hangover, think about how well you handled the situation and get a round of applause from your girlfriends for not giving into a guy who thinks he can get whatever he wants, whenever he wants, just because he has money and is perceived to be good-looking by other TrashyDumbSkanks.

Then shit hits the fan a couple weeks later. Yes, it’s been weeks. You’ve now been going back and forth on text messages with Mr. Douche. You analyze every text, you have a strategic communications plan laid out for your reply text messages  and you’ve spent countless waking (and sleepless) hours wondering, replaying every DE you’ve had with Mr. Douche, over analyzing the evening (with or without your friends, it doesn’t matter, your brain had an overdose of douche, there’s no turning back) and taking apart his text messages, trying to read between the lines.

Whatdya mean, shit hits the fan?

Well, you later find out through an associate of his that he’s spread this wonderful rumour about you. About why “it didn’t really work out” between the two of you. Apparently, YOU wanted a relationship and he just wasn’t looking for that, and that’s why YOU aren’t with him.

You wake up in bed. No it wasn’t a dream. You were just so mentally exhausted from all this drama that you fell asleep with your head buried under your pillow, in shame. Sure, you thought you did everything right. You kept it classy, clean and f*&^% free but you still got screwed over.

Pretty, Intelligent Girl 0 : Douche 1

Listen to your doctor, douching is bad for you

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4 Comments»

  CasaRosa wrote @

I’ve definitely met some of these douchebags. Goes to show they were faking nice all along, but really they just wanted to get laid. Douchebags in disguise are the worst kind. It’s like you think you’re dating … I dunno, who’s a “nice guy” character … God, I can’t even think of one! But anyway, Mr. Nice Guy gets so annoyed trying to get in your pants that he unmasks and it turns out you’ve been dating Donny Douche the whole time.

Tell your friend that she didn’t do anything wrong, because she held off — obviously her classy instincts are intact and her douche-dar is still working!

  CasaRosa wrote @

PS — I once blogged on this myself. http://hazypinkthoughts.blogspot.com/2008/10/no-douchebags-allowed.html

[…] Douching is bad for you […]

[…] while I do feel strongly about douchebags and how to identify, label, hunt and kill them, I just can’t quite do the same with Christian […]


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